:(

It's amazing how 5 little words can take the wind out of your sail. Here I was thinking I was making progress towards loving myself. Starting to feel confident. All pumped and ready to start a harder workout in the morning. And then 5 little words knock me flat.

Father, help me get up tomorrow. Help me see myself through your eyes. Help me take care of myself. Help me love myself.

Busy busy

Well, I've not been working out every day, but my stomach is finally feeling better. Worked out four times this week, and didn't need to ice my belly at all. So I guess I'll go one more week with just cardio (to be safe) and then ease back into strength training.

I got the boys curriculum ordered and am working furiously on lesson plans. Third grade is easy, Switched-On Schoolhouse does it all for me :) So I've been working on 1st grade. I have Bible and Phonics done, still need to do Reading, Spelling, Writing, Math, Science, History, and Art... So far I am the most happy with my curriculum choice I have ever been! I've decided I'm going to start Phonics catch up next week, and full schedule on Aug 22 when public school starts.

After two whole days parked in front of the computer working on lesson plans, I have had a fabulous weekend full of self care! I got to go out for dinner and to hang out with my baby sis Friday evening, then came home and spent some quality time with the Hubby. Saturday morning my sisters and I took my Mom shopping for her birthday, and I spent some birthday money too. I tried on a ton of clothes and didn't get depressed at all! I found some great clothes, all on sale, plus an extra 20% off!! Then when I got back I got to go have coffee with a sweet girlfriend! It's amazing how fast 2 hours flies by with a great friend.

But when my Mom brought the boys home two of them seems to be ill, so it looks like we may have to stay home from church tomorrow. I guess we can have a family movie day with our new TV.

Eh...

Ugh, I have been feeling so depressed. It's like an ugly cycle. I get up, I try to work out, I aggravate the injury, push through to make Hubby breakfast, sit on the couch with an ice pack on my belly for a while, back starts hurting so I try to get up and take care of the house, belly hurts so I sit for a while with the ice pack, back hurts so I try to get up and take care of the house, go to bed, start again.

One bright side has been I'm having to let my boys become more responsible and do things for themselves. So I guess that's good.

Yesterday was two years since Pa passed away. It was Wednesday so we went to lunch with Ma. It was heartbreaking watching her keep asking, "Where's your Pa?" And then the tears come when we have to tell her. I wish we could just pretend and tell her he's at home and we'll see him later. But she has that angry/stubborn streak in her. She'll only wait so long before she starts storming off and she'll walk back to the old house looking for him if you don't restrain her. As hard as it is, it's easier to just tell her and deal with the tears. Alzheimer's sucks.

Deja Vu

Well, I was hoping to report that I was doing better with the working out stuff. But alas, not so much. The boys are still getting up ridiculously early. I just cannot figure out what is up with them?? I am used to having to pry them out of bed with a crow bar at 9:30-10:00, but for a week now they've been interrupting my bible time at 6:00! Really? I just cannot get up any earlier to have my "me" time. And I can't do it at the end of the day, because Hubby stays up till midnight most of the time. Sunday I just made them sit on the couch and worked out anyway. Today they stayed in their room until I was in the shower. But I could hear them singing back there.

And then this morning I over did it with the twisting and crunching. So I feel like I'm back to square one with this injury. It hurts even worse. I've been icing it off and on this morning, but I had to sit out Zumba :(

This is sooooooooooo frustrating. I've finally got the motivation to do something about my weight, and this stupid injury is keeping me from working as hard as I want to. What's worse, since it's my ab I've been trying not to keep it flexed all the time since the trainer said I could "tear it loose from it's attachment!" Which means my stomach is just hanging out and flabby all the time.

A sweet friend tried to make me feel better yesterday telling me I was looking so skinny. I really appreciate the compliment, but it's just so hard to believe right now. I know this will heal, and I will be able to work hard like I want. I know I am making little changes that will make me a healthier person. It's just such a slow process. I wish there was a fast forward button!

Getting back on the horse

Yeah, I'm trying to get back into the groove. I took the weekend off completely to let my ab rest. But it's been hard to get back to exercising this week. Our schedule has been irregular and my boys have been getting up too early. I've managed to work out only twice, and only 1 ten minute cardio each time. Hopefully tomorrow I can get up and do 20 minutes of cardio.

I have learned something about myself this week though. I cannot get up at 5:30 am. 6:00 am is the best time for my body to wake up. I did really well those 3 weeks getting up at 6:00 am. I set my alarm for 6:00 am and got up at 6:00 am and felt good all day. This week I had moved my alarm to 5:30 am to add more cardio time, but I just can't get up. And I don't end up rolling out of bed until 6:30 - 7:00. But as long as I go to bed by 11:00 pm, I am fresh and ready to go at 6:00 am :)