Ugh. I'm cleaning out/organizing my kitchen again. Every few months I get so disgusted I spend a few days trying to make it better. It's so frustrating. How do I have so much junk?? I mean, my house is tiny! Every 3-4 months I go through and throw away tons of junk. But 3-4 months later there is tons more that needs to be thrown away! It's ridiculous.
But this time I've come to a hard decision. I decided a few months ago I couldn't handle cake decorating on a large scale in the space I have. So I won't do any more until I get a better space. But it's looking more and more like that better space is not coming any time soon, if ever. I'm starting to think it may be time to get rid of all the cake pans.
I have got cake pans EVERYWHERE. Hanging on the walls in my kitchen, in cabinets, on shelves, in my closet, in Hubby's closet, in storage in the car port. Everywhere. It's starting to become a burden. Every time I see them, it reminds me of what I can't do. I really like decorating cakes. It's fun, it's creative, it would be a great way to make a little extra money. Someday. If someday ever comes. Ugh.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
No Pain, No Gain? But I'm trying to lose!
I hate being sore. Actually, I really hate being sore. No, I really, really hate being sore. Three and a half months I have been working out now. Three and a half months I have been sore. I am truly miserable. I'm trying so hard to learn how to keep my house clean, actually cook for my family, and take care of myself. And I am, mostly. But not nearly as much as I really want to. It's crazy, for the first time ever, I really want to clean. But the pain, every time I move! I can barely even walk, I'm limping around the house. My house is actually cleaner than it has ever been, but I feel like it is so dirty. I haven't swept in two days. And actually, I didn't even sweep then. My "housekeeper" did. There is dog hair everywhere. It is completely grossing me out. But not enough to endure the excruciating pain that will come when I have to squat down to sweep the pile into the dust pan. Bending over to move clothes from the washing machine to the dryer or take them out to fold them has been agony.
The worst part is how freaking slow the scale is moving. Everyone keeps telling me how good I look, but I just can't see it. My clothes are looser, and I can wear things I haven't worn in a long time. But I feel so achy and lazy I just want to curl up in a ball and not move at all. And that makes me feel fat and gross. Ugh.
The worst part is how freaking slow the scale is moving. Everyone keeps telling me how good I look, but I just can't see it. My clothes are looser, and I can wear things I haven't worn in a long time. But I feel so achy and lazy I just want to curl up in a ball and not move at all. And that makes me feel fat and gross. Ugh.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Happy Birthday to me :)
So, today is my birthday. My 30th birthday. Is this it? Is this when the switch flips? Am I officially a grown up now? Will I magically know all the stuff I think I'm supposed to know? Will I magically do all the things I think I'm supposed to do? Hmmm...
I'm waiting...
Still waiting...
You know, I'm beginning to think there might not be a switch. I might have to suck it up and work hard to be a grown up. Keep learning the things I think I'm supposed to know. Actually do the things I think I'm supposed to do.
I'm actually enjoying this birthday quite a bit. It's a big number, so I got a big weekend with Hubby. We went down to Texas Hill Country near Austin and stayed in a fabulous B&B, Mt Gainor Inn. It was a perfect location, perfect setting, perfect room, just absolutely perfect. The innkeepers were so nice, and breakfast was delicious! We only got lost twice on the way there, and anybody who has ever traveled with me will know that is really good! The first night we just grabbed take out Chinese and passed out early. We had both had a hard week. Saturday we ventured down to Wimberly to the Wimberly Glass Works. We got to see the artists at work, and it was amazing! Then we shopped for a while in the quaint little downtown. We also stopped at a local winery for a tasting and picked out a bottle to bring home. By then I was tired (I'm not big on being out running around) so we headed back to our cottage and had a very relaxing bubble bath. Dinner was at a very nice local cafe and then we spent about an hour lounging and talking in the hammocks at the inn. I literally cried because it was all so perfect. Sunday we managed to make it all the way home without getting lost at all. Although we did get stuck behind a huge slow rv and a funeral procession!
This week has been back to the grind, and I feel like I'm slowly getting better at taking care of things. As I type there are currently NO dishes in my sink! School is going well, I've been cooking, and cleaning. I'm becoming a regular housewife. It feels so good.
I think I'm going to like being grown up :)
I'm waiting...
Still waiting...
You know, I'm beginning to think there might not be a switch. I might have to suck it up and work hard to be a grown up. Keep learning the things I think I'm supposed to know. Actually do the things I think I'm supposed to do.
I'm actually enjoying this birthday quite a bit. It's a big number, so I got a big weekend with Hubby. We went down to Texas Hill Country near Austin and stayed in a fabulous B&B, Mt Gainor Inn. It was a perfect location, perfect setting, perfect room, just absolutely perfect. The innkeepers were so nice, and breakfast was delicious! We only got lost twice on the way there, and anybody who has ever traveled with me will know that is really good! The first night we just grabbed take out Chinese and passed out early. We had both had a hard week. Saturday we ventured down to Wimberly to the Wimberly Glass Works. We got to see the artists at work, and it was amazing! Then we shopped for a while in the quaint little downtown. We also stopped at a local winery for a tasting and picked out a bottle to bring home. By then I was tired (I'm not big on being out running around) so we headed back to our cottage and had a very relaxing bubble bath. Dinner was at a very nice local cafe and then we spent about an hour lounging and talking in the hammocks at the inn. I literally cried because it was all so perfect. Sunday we managed to make it all the way home without getting lost at all. Although we did get stuck behind a huge slow rv and a funeral procession!
This week has been back to the grind, and I feel like I'm slowly getting better at taking care of things. As I type there are currently NO dishes in my sink! School is going well, I've been cooking, and cleaning. I'm becoming a regular housewife. It feels so good.
I think I'm going to like being grown up :)
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
It's a Journey
Today, I felt really good. I didn't start out feeling really good though. I didn't really want to get up early. But I knew last night I wouldn't. So I made sure my work out buddy was coming! I am so thankful to have a work out buddy. When I got home, I couldn't resist getting on the scale. It's still moving, albeit painfully slowly, but moving downward. That made me feel so good I decided to try on one of the dresses I haven't been able to wear in a while. And it fit! That made me feel way better, because it shows way more progress. I wore the dress out to lunch with my Mom, Meme, and sisters to celebrate out summer birthdays. And surprise, Mom decided we needed pedicures too! Fabulous day. One more step in the journey.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Wow
So, I just realized it's been 7 and a half months since I posted! First of all, the house I mentioned fell through. It sold before we could get our act together. I was depressed for a while, but I've learned a lot from the experience. I'm trying to focus on paying off our debt and getting this house ready to be sold. Weight has been up and down. I'm finally starting to believe my beloved friend when she tells me to ignore the numbers. I'm working with my doctor to try to loose the weight and treat my PCOS with some medications, and my beloved friend is keeping motivated to work out and take care of myself.
I am SO stinking proud of myself right now, we have not been out to eat in almost a week! I am - total shocker here - COOKING! I'm cooking breakfast when I get home from the gym, packing Andy's lunch, and even cooking dinner every night! And an even bigger shocker here - keeping the kitchen clean besides!! It is SOOOOO much easier to make myself cook instead of going out when I just have to walk into the kitchen and start cooking vs cleaning the kitchen only to make a big mess. And waking up to a clean kitchen is incredible!!
This past weekend I planned a menu for the next two weeks, planned a shopping list, bought all the groceries I need, and have been preparing freezer meals! I have a supply of 5 meals in the freezer I can just pull out and throw in the oven or crock pot. Plus I'm going to try today to get some more soups made and packaged in serving sizes for lunch. I even MADE granola bars to eat on the way to the gym. I am feeling like such a good homemaker :)
Today anyway. I was really depressed last week. Since I haven't posted since the beginning of the year, I'll just put down the whole story. Between January and May my weight stayed pretty much the same. Working out consisted of some dance workouts 2 or 3 times a week, maybe some yoga. Sometimes I counted calories meticulously, sometimes I didn't care. I think it was around the middle of May I had a huge breakdown. But that's where my dear, beloved, amazing, wonderful friend stepped in and helped me refocus. She's now my gym buddy once a week. I'm at the gym 5 days a week, only doing cardio so far. I've tried weights a few times, but I hate so much being sore, I started skipping days at the gym. So I decided cardio is fine for now, as long as I'm going consistently. The most important thing my beloved friend is teaching me is to ignore the numbers. She is really good at this. Me... not so much. It took a solid month of working out consistently for the stupid scale to start moving. It was soooooo frustrating. And then it moves so slowly!! But, I began to see how she was right. Then, I got sick and missed a couple of days at the gym. And I had one weekend of completely not paying attention to what I was eating. Suddenly I gained back .4 of those 5 pounds I had worked so hard to loose! So of course I freaked out and fell back into old habits. Pushing hard at the gym, counting every calorie, getting on that cursed scale every morning. And I ended up gaining 2 whole pounds!! After a huge pity party/temper tantrum I realized, I was letting the numbers control me again. So I quit counting. Funny thing, those two pounds disappeared. And I feel much better!
School with the boys is going very well. We got really frustrated with the end of our last school year, and after much agonizing and studying I chose a new curriculum. I LOVE it. I feel like I am actually in control of it, instead of it controlling me. The boys are loving it. My oldest actually came up to me and said, "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like school." I was floored. That alone was worth the months spent researching and trying to decide, the hours fighting the crowd at the book fair, and the extra expenses. Oh - yes, we have already started school. Since I am in control, I set the schedule. So we'll have 6 weeks of school, and then 2 weeks of break, throughout the year. Plus 4 weeks off for summer. Here in Texas it's too darn hot to be outside in July-August, so we might as well be doing school now, and take our time off in the cooler parts of the year!
Another big milestone, my birthday is fast approaching! It's the big 3-0 this year. I've laughed at all my friends from school freaking out of facebook about how they are so old. And then freaked out a little myself. But mostly I think I'm ok with it. I've accomplished quite a bit in my 30 years on this earth. And I am proud of most of it. I've planned myself a nice road trip with Hubby to celebrate, and I'm getting super excited about that at least!
I am SO stinking proud of myself right now, we have not been out to eat in almost a week! I am - total shocker here - COOKING! I'm cooking breakfast when I get home from the gym, packing Andy's lunch, and even cooking dinner every night! And an even bigger shocker here - keeping the kitchen clean besides!! It is SOOOOO much easier to make myself cook instead of going out when I just have to walk into the kitchen and start cooking vs cleaning the kitchen only to make a big mess. And waking up to a clean kitchen is incredible!!
This past weekend I planned a menu for the next two weeks, planned a shopping list, bought all the groceries I need, and have been preparing freezer meals! I have a supply of 5 meals in the freezer I can just pull out and throw in the oven or crock pot. Plus I'm going to try today to get some more soups made and packaged in serving sizes for lunch. I even MADE granola bars to eat on the way to the gym. I am feeling like such a good homemaker :)
Today anyway. I was really depressed last week. Since I haven't posted since the beginning of the year, I'll just put down the whole story. Between January and May my weight stayed pretty much the same. Working out consisted of some dance workouts 2 or 3 times a week, maybe some yoga. Sometimes I counted calories meticulously, sometimes I didn't care. I think it was around the middle of May I had a huge breakdown. But that's where my dear, beloved, amazing, wonderful friend stepped in and helped me refocus. She's now my gym buddy once a week. I'm at the gym 5 days a week, only doing cardio so far. I've tried weights a few times, but I hate so much being sore, I started skipping days at the gym. So I decided cardio is fine for now, as long as I'm going consistently. The most important thing my beloved friend is teaching me is to ignore the numbers. She is really good at this. Me... not so much. It took a solid month of working out consistently for the stupid scale to start moving. It was soooooo frustrating. And then it moves so slowly!! But, I began to see how she was right. Then, I got sick and missed a couple of days at the gym. And I had one weekend of completely not paying attention to what I was eating. Suddenly I gained back .4 of those 5 pounds I had worked so hard to loose! So of course I freaked out and fell back into old habits. Pushing hard at the gym, counting every calorie, getting on that cursed scale every morning. And I ended up gaining 2 whole pounds!! After a huge pity party/temper tantrum I realized, I was letting the numbers control me again. So I quit counting. Funny thing, those two pounds disappeared. And I feel much better!
School with the boys is going very well. We got really frustrated with the end of our last school year, and after much agonizing and studying I chose a new curriculum. I LOVE it. I feel like I am actually in control of it, instead of it controlling me. The boys are loving it. My oldest actually came up to me and said, "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like school." I was floored. That alone was worth the months spent researching and trying to decide, the hours fighting the crowd at the book fair, and the extra expenses. Oh - yes, we have already started school. Since I am in control, I set the schedule. So we'll have 6 weeks of school, and then 2 weeks of break, throughout the year. Plus 4 weeks off for summer. Here in Texas it's too darn hot to be outside in July-August, so we might as well be doing school now, and take our time off in the cooler parts of the year!
Another big milestone, my birthday is fast approaching! It's the big 3-0 this year. I've laughed at all my friends from school freaking out of facebook about how they are so old. And then freaked out a little myself. But mostly I think I'm ok with it. I've accomplished quite a bit in my 30 years on this earth. And I am proud of most of it. I've planned myself a nice road trip with Hubby to celebrate, and I'm getting super excited about that at least!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year, New Start
Well, it's a new year, and I'm making a new start. It's been almost a year since I began this blog. I feel like I've come so far, and yet I haven't gotten anywhere. Weight wise, I lost 10 pounds, and then gained it back. But self-esteem wise, I've learned it's ok to enjoy my time alone. I am proud of a couple of things - I have started taking the time to really fix my hair and wear make-up when I go out of the house; and I have started running errands with the boys instead of always getting a babysitter.
That last bit leads into this excitement - we may be getting a new home! We stumbled across a property that is within our price range, that Hubby and I have both fallen in love with. God seems to be opening the doors, but we are still waiting on a few things. It is a very emotional process, but I feel like I am learning and growing. I am working hard to get this house ready to sell, and learning to be less dependent on family (the new house is an hour away).
So this looks to be a pretty big year. I'm settling back into a work out routine, and cutting out more junk food. Taking care of myself, my family and my home :)
That last bit leads into this excitement - we may be getting a new home! We stumbled across a property that is within our price range, that Hubby and I have both fallen in love with. God seems to be opening the doors, but we are still waiting on a few things. It is a very emotional process, but I feel like I am learning and growing. I am working hard to get this house ready to sell, and learning to be less dependent on family (the new house is an hour away).
So this looks to be a pretty big year. I'm settling back into a work out routine, and cutting out more junk food. Taking care of myself, my family and my home :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)